I’ve been on a roll lately, writing and journaling in this spot. Having my hammock overlooking the creek is ideal. The temperature is perfect for cool nights of sleep, warm alpine sun for basking and biting cold water to zap me into the moment. The variable set is ideal for me to be in a usefully productive state. This is the sort of rhythm I often crave.
The natural environment here is beautiful and I feel integrated within it. The leaves on the cottonwood trees have changed from green to yellow in our time here. I’ve noticed the birds come up the creek throughout the day in flocks. Early in the day the magpies and ravens cast shadows as they zip overhead. The vultures leverage the rising air of the morning sun to begin their ascent. Midday, the little yellow finch-like flocks roll through. Erratically bouncing from limb to limb as they cleanse the plants of insects. As evening approaches the raptors leave their perches. Eagles, hawks, falcons and kestrel are all active in this area. Night falls and the wise owls of the forest make their presence known with their all familiar call.
I feel at home here, immersed in nature. Soon though we will be thrust into the very human world of Kansas City, where we grew up. I’m excited to spend time with my family and friends in the city. At the same time though, I need to prepare my psyche for the anxiety that comes with being around so many people. The busyness, rush, competition and fear can be contagious if I allow them to be.
To combat this, I have recently found myself switching into a more guarded state in cities. I am more reserved than I’d like to be in the city because I want to blend in, fly under the radar, and generally be inoffensive. It’s not that I think of myself as an offensive character by any means, around all the people in the city though I feel like I have to tame down who I am. Be less George of the Jungle and laugh with others at my naturalistic nature.
Not because I’m wrong, but to avoid eliciting an eye roll. The way Elsa and I live is atypical, and in my mind healthier than what is considered to be culturally normal. It’s different though, and different is often ripe for critique.
The longer we live this way, the more confident I become. I’ve learned to be humble, answer questions when asked, but I do my best to make the conversation about others. When we first started all this, I wanted to share all that I was learning to an almost preachy extent. I was so excited and freshly unstuck that I wanted to unstick everyone else with all the tools I had found. Not everyone is ready to change or make the sacrifices necessary to step off the treadmill. My time is best spent helping those who do, and otherwise leading by example.
It’s difficult for me to see people struggle though. To see people stuck in arbitrary patterns, flailing in trivial pursuit. Even people I don’t know. As the guy flies by me on the highway in the morning, I’ve learned to take a deep breath. I honestly feel sorry for these people, I would love to help, but surrender to their struggle being out of my control.
Surrounded by chaos, it’s hard not to catch the bug. Elections, social unrest and a pandemic, piled on top of an already frantic culture, polarized and divided by fear. I have a peaceful, grounded nature generally speaking, but in these busy places I feel myself slipping into a more anxious, even frustrated state. Cultural corruption is more flagrant now that I see with an external perspective. The filters on my perception are peeled back. Many of the things I used to be callous to are hard not to feel.
This isn’t to say that I completely avoid all the lunacy by living the way that we do. It’s easier for me assimilate the tumultuous actions of politicians, pundits and the general public in nature. I can call on the strength of the birds and the trees to help me stay true to my soul.
I have always felt more at home in nature than my own house. Now that I’ve gotten used to a natural pace, the buzz of the human hive is even more jarring than before. At least I’ve become aware of this. My practice is to stay peaceful, calm and smooth this time. Glide through the chaos, bring peace to panic and help people remember how awesome they are.